Move over, vampires—there’s a new immortality hustle in town, and it’s powered by grape seeds. A Shenzhen startup claims their PCC1 pill zaps “zombie cells” like a cellular Roomba, promising 150-year lifespans while mice party 64% longer post-treatment. CEO Ip Zhu calls it the “Holy Grail,” which is bold for something that sounds like a wine mom’s multivitamin. China’s life expectancy is already climbing (79 and flexing), so soon your great-great-grandkids might be roasting you at your 149th birthday. Just imagine the compound interest.

Chinese Scientists Create Pill That Can Allegedly Extend Human Life Up to 150 Years