Meet Melissa, a 30-year-old mum who wakes up every morning feeling like she’s smuggling two bowling balls under her duvet and lost the receipt. Her 36M breasts weigh a combined two-and-a-half stone – that’s heavier than the average airport luggage allowance and roughly the same as a small Labrador. Getting out of bed now requires an elaborate stretching routine that would make a yoga instructor weep, and picking up her eight-month-old daughter is completely off the menu unless she wants to audition for the role of human question mark. The NHS told her to lose weight first; her back replied, “Mate, I’d love to hit the gym, but I’m currently being used as a shelf.” She’s crowdfunding £8k for a private reduction because, let’s be honest, waiting for the NHS is like waiting for a bus in Scotland – theoretically possible, practically a myth.
‘My 36M boobs are so big it takes me hours to get out of bed – it’s a nightmare’
