Oh, Jordan Peterson—self-help guru, lobster-hierarchy lecturer, and now unwitting star of “The Carnivore Chronicles: Episode 7 – The Moldy Reckoning.” Seven years into his beef-and-salt-only diet (because apparently veggies are for weak-willed chaos dragons), the man lands in ICU not from a debate gone wrong, but from a spiritual smackdown courtesy of his grandpa’s dusty attic. Blame the mold, the neuropathy, or that pesky pneumonia flare-up after a heroic room-cleaning sesh—Peterson’s body is throwing a full-on mutiny, complete with polyneuropathy plot twists and a daughter’s plea for prayers against “nefarious spiritual attacks.” From benzo detox comas in Russia to this latest bout of all-meat malaise, it’s a reminder that even intellectual titans can’t outrun the ghost of expired yogurt. Is it the diet? The demons? Or just the universe’s way of saying, “Bro, add a salad—your soul (and spleen) might thank you.” Tune in next week for “Peterson vs. The Kale Conspiracy.”
Strange New Health Issues Put Jordan Peterson in ICU
