Waymo Pulled Its Cars From the Freeway After One Fled Police With Horrified Couple on Board

Buckle up, folks—your self-driving Uber just went full Fast & Furious: Robot Edition. A horrified couple in San Francisco found themselves in a Waymo that decided traffic laws were more like suggestions, speeding down a construction lane with cops in hot pursuit....

College Professors Say Incoming Students No Longer Understand Middle School Math and Science

Congratulations, Generation AI—professors at UC are now having to reteach middle school math because incoming freshmen can’t handle it. While students lean on ChatGPT for everything, actual learning has apparently filed for early retirement. The education system is...

Man Builds Autonomous AI-Powered Water Gun Turret to Keep Pigeons Away

Tired of pigeons turning your balcony into a poop deck? One genius built an AI-powered water gun turret that spots the feathered freeloaders and blasts them with precision justice. Finally, someone weaponized tech for the most important war of our time: the eternal...

In Leaked Document, Microsoft Plots How to Get People “Addicted” to Its AI

Microsoft just casually admitted in leaked docs that they want to make you “addicted” to their new AI assistant. Nothing suspicious about a trillion-dollar company openly plotting to hook users like digital fentanyl. The quiet part is loud, and it’s written in...

Man turns up at hospital after injecting semen into his arm for 18 months to relieve pain

In a move that makes you wonder if evolution is running backwards, a 33-year-old Irish man decided that modern medicine had failed him. His solution? Injecting his own semen into his arm for 18 straight months to cure back pain. Yes, you read that correctly. Not...

Calling 911 because a bar won’t serve you a Jell-O shot is what police refer to as a misuse of services

Meet Diane Blalock, a 68-year-old legend who turned “I want a drink” into a full-blown emergency. When a Florida bar refused to serve her a Jell-O shot, she did what any reasonable senior would do — she called 911. Three times. Because nothing says “this is an...

Bernie Sanders Announces Plan to Seize Half of AI Industry for the Public Good

Bernie Sanders has looked at the exploding AI industry and come to a very Bernie conclusion: the government should take half. In his latest proposal, the senator wants a massive one-time 50% seizure of AI company stock to create a “sovereign wealth fund” so every...

Uber Lost & Found Index includes breast milk, ankle monitor

Uber has released its annual Lost & Found Index, and this year’s haul is unhinged. Among the forgotten treasures: breast milk, an ankle monitor, a sack of marbles, a live fish, and a child’s prosthetic eye. Somewhere out there is a very confused person missing...

Enraged by Divorce Filing, Man Tears Down Family Home with an Excavator

When most men hear the words “I want a divorce,” they usually respond with anger, tears, or a dramatic exit. Eric Pierwsza of Pennsylvania took it to a whole new level — he grabbed an excavator and decided the house needed to go too. While his wife and two daughters...

Former Prince Andrew under investigation for alleged inappropriate conduct with woman at Royal Ascot

Prince Andrew just can’t catch a break. While the rest of the royal family tries to move on, he keeps finding new ways to stay in the headlines — this time for allegedly getting handsy at Royal Ascot back in 2002. At this point, the man is collecting scandals like the...
Biblical Diet Trend Takes Healthy Eating to a Whole New Level

Biblical Diet Trend Takes Healthy Eating to a Whole New Level

Forget keto, paleo, or Mediterranean — the hot new diet is Biblical Eating, where you only consume foods mentioned in scripture. Influencers are out here preaching that sin entered through food, so now they fight the devil with locusts, manna, and whatever Jesus was...