Ah, Christmas at the Playboy Mansion: where the tree needed 35 boxes of lights, the garden had a toboggan run, and the highlight was a snowman version of Hugh Hefner—complete with smoking jacket, captain’s hat, and, yes, a proudly sculpted snow-penis. Former Bunnies spill that Hef turned the place into a filthy winter wonderland with panty chandeliers, strict curfews, and a ban on going home to family for the holidays. Think less “Home Alone” and more “Home Alone With Seven Girlfriends And A Lot Of Emotional Baggage.” Merry Hef-mas, indeed.

Playboy Bunnies had bizarre way of celebrating Christmas in Hugh Hefner’s mansion